im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
