Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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