I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
