I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Randomize
