she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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