you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
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