so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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