mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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