Umm I'm too high to move.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Randomize
