If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
