My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
