when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
