i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
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