My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
