I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
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