his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
