I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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