I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Randomize
