she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Life is so much better after having sex.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
