I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
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he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
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