You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
two words: eviction party
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
