My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize