The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
you win again, gameday.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
