Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
