hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize