I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
this boner is exhausting
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
