i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
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