party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Randomize
