Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Randomize
