Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
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Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
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He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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