he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
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