:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
