I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
