So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
