Acid is not a monday night drug
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Randomize
