I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
