Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
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Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
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Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
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