So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
