But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Randomize
