Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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