Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
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