a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
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