The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
