he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
