Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Randomize
