he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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