well I can't set my house on fire every night
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I pour the whiskey from now on
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Randomize
