then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
