He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
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