She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
