What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
