So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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