PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Randomize
