Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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