I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize
