my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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