I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
