How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
