Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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