She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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