just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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