I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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