i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Randomize
