i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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