Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
