God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
how does that bad decision feel?
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
