just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
These tits shall not be calmed
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
