I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
