I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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