Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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