I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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