I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
