Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
